The top of the dayThe top of the weekThe top of the monthThe top of the yearThe all-time greachạy thử FMLs
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I went lớn meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to lớn meet me. I pulled a U-Turn & heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
Today, I was about to lớn thua trận my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone Call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had khổng lồ come trang chủ immediately. My grandma fell off the nhà wc và got stuông chồng between the bowl và the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried và told him that I loved hyên. He gave sầu me a quarter và told me lớn hotline someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked trang chính in the rain. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice lớn wait to lớn have sầu sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able khổng lồ get laid?" và walked out of the room. FML
Today, my boyfrikết thúc & I decided to lớn try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face và said 'Now, vì chưng me'. FML
Today, I had an elaborate plan khổng lồ ask this girl khổng lồ Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to mix up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to lớn distract her by asking her khổng lồ Prom. She said "Yes". FML
Today, I awoke lớn the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open và say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
Today, I came trang chủ khổng lồ find a sochồng I previously used to whaông xã off on my bed with googly eyes và a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love sầu Mom." FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up khổng lồ me and told me to go fuông xã myself. I told her khổng lồ watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to lớn be nearby và actually heard the conversation; she came up to lớn me and told me lớn go fuchồng myself as well. FML
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive sầu girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have sầu lớn go, there's a xinh tươi guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to lớn me & said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to lớn get off the phone with her." FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh phối. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me & replied, "How about some xanh shut the fuông xã up?!" FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, I was talking khổng lồ my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, I checked my facebook, & my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok lớn announce to lớn be married. She writes baông chồng saying that we have sầu lớn talk và lớn come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML
Today, my five sầu year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter lịch sự along with the theme tuy vậy "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned lớn me & said "Mom, I want to lớn be a hooker." FML
Today, I heard my boyfriover of 3 months talking with his frikết thúc, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to lớn tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved hyên too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, và his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to lớn leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, I found out that just because your boyfrikết thúc asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML
Today, I turned on my camera khổng lồ find pictures of my dad's secretary giving hyên ổn a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom và dad say it's no big giảm giá. FML
rexobtells us more :
thanks for all those who are genuinely concerned...i really appreciate it. i"m hanging in there, và hopefully my sister will be alright. we"ve been lớn therapy và i think it"s helped her, but i don"t know how this will come up later in life for us.again, i really appreciate those of you who took this seriously.
Today, at a hard roông xã concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML
shit_upontells us more :
they were wasted to the point of oblivion & probably had no idea what had just gone down. i didn"t cry, but i was REALLY angry about it. my clothes were full of shit but luckily i had an extra pair of pants in my car and i had bought a b& t-shirt earlier
Today, a girl-scout asked me lớn buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home page with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got trang chính & realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
Today, I went up lớn a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to lớn for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to lớn tell hyên ổn someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
Today, this girl & I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up & we started making out. One thing lead lớn another và the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to lớn bust when she stopped, looked up inkhổng lồ my eyes & said "Do you believe sầu in Jesus?" FML
Today, I got a phone hotline saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML
Today, my house got broken inlớn. My br& new máy vi tính was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive và some clothes. Wanting to lớn drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to lớn find that it too had been stolen. FML
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried notoàn thân cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, & said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself khổng lồ a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have sầu been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
akd_rockstells us more :
Okay I"m the person that wrote this, I wrote it earlier today before I got my account và its one hundered percent truewe talked about familywe exchanged pics but i had never met hyên beforehe was my moms sisters son adn i have never met that part of my family because my mom was disowned for marrying my dad.his last name was my moms maiden name so i didnt think anything of it especially...
Today, I was cleaning my father's study room & wondering why I did not receive sầu my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
Today, my sister and I had my father’s will read to us. My sister will get all the cash and properties. I will “not see a cent” all because I “went against...
Today, the gas station attendent was talking lớn my fiance while our baby & I were in the car waiting. The attendent referred khổng lồ our baby và I as my...
Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to lớn have a wet dream with my husb&. This is the closest I got lớn having sex in weeks. FML
Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant và super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML
Your story must start with “Today,” và end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to lớn obtain badges by posting từ khóa, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.
Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
Today, I went lớn meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to lớn meet me. I pulled a U-Turn & heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
Today, I was about to lớn thua trận my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone Call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had khổng lồ come trang chủ immediately. My grandma fell off the nhà wc và got stuông chồng between the bowl và the wall. I'm not making this up. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried và told him that I loved hyên. He gave sầu me a quarter và told me lớn hotline someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked trang chính in the rain. FML
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice lớn wait to lớn have sầu sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able khổng lồ get laid?" và walked out of the room. FML
Today, my boyfrikết thúc & I decided to lớn try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face và said 'Now, vì chưng me'. FML
Today, I had an elaborate plan khổng lồ ask this girl khổng lồ Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to mix up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to lớn distract her by asking her khổng lồ Prom. She said "Yes". FML
Today, I awoke lớn the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open và say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
Today, I came trang chủ khổng lồ find a sochồng I previously used to whaông xã off on my bed with googly eyes và a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love sầu Mom." FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up khổng lồ me and told me to go fuông xã myself. I told her khổng lồ watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to lớn be nearby và actually heard the conversation; she came up to lớn me and told me lớn go fuchồng myself as well. FML
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive sầu girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have sầu lớn go, there's a xinh tươi guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to lớn me & said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to lớn get off the phone with her." FML
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh phối. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me & replied, "How about some xanh shut the fuông xã up?!" FML
Today, I found out that because of my high blood pressure I can't have sex for one month. My wedding is next weekend and the following two weeks are my honey moon. FML
Today, I was talking khổng lồ my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML
Today, I checked my facebook, & my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok lớn announce to lớn be married. She writes baông chồng saying that we have sầu lớn talk và lớn come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML
Today, my five sầu year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter lịch sự along with the theme tuy vậy "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned lớn me & said "Mom, I want to lớn be a hooker." FML
Today, I heard my boyfriover of 3 months talking with his frikết thúc, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to lớn tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved hyên too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, và his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to lớn leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
Today, I found out that just because your boyfrikết thúc asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML
Today, I turned on my camera khổng lồ find pictures of my dad's secretary giving hyên ổn a blowjob. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom và dad say it's no big giảm giá. FML
rexobtells us more :
thanks for all those who are genuinely concerned...i really appreciate it. i"m hanging in there, và hopefully my sister will be alright. we"ve been lớn therapy và i think it"s helped her, but i don"t know how this will come up later in life for us.again, i really appreciate those of you who took this seriously.
Bạn đang xem: Fuck my life
Today, at a hard roông xã concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML
shit_upontells us more :
they were wasted to the point of oblivion & probably had no idea what had just gone down. i didn"t cry, but i was REALLY angry about it. my clothes were full of shit but luckily i had an extra pair of pants in my car and i had bought a b& t-shirt earlier
Today, a girl-scout asked me lớn buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home page with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got trang chính & realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML
Today, I went up lớn a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to lớn for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to lớn tell hyên ổn someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
Today, this girl & I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up & we started making out. One thing lead lớn another và the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to lớn bust when she stopped, looked up inkhổng lồ my eyes & said "Do you believe sầu in Jesus?" FML
Today, I got a phone hotline saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML
Today, my house got broken inlớn. My br& new máy vi tính was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive và some clothes. Wanting to lớn drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to lớn find that it too had been stolen. FML
Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried notoàn thân cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, & said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself khổng lồ a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have sầu been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
akd_rockstells us more :
Okay I"m the person that wrote this, I wrote it earlier today before I got my account và its one hundered percent truewe talked about familywe exchanged pics but i had never met hyên beforehe was my moms sisters son adn i have never met that part of my family because my mom was disowned for marrying my dad.his last name was my moms maiden name so i didnt think anything of it especially...
Today, I was cleaning my father's study room & wondering why I did not receive sầu my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML
Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML
Today, my sister and I had my father’s will read to us. My sister will get all the cash and properties. I will “not see a cent” all because I “went against...
Xem thêm: Hướng Dẫn Cách Xào Rau Khoai Lang Ngon Chỉ Cần Thêm Bước Sau
Today, the gas station attendent was talking lớn my fiance while our baby & I were in the car waiting. The attendent referred khổng lồ our baby và I as my...
Today, my alarm rang just as I was about to lớn have a wet dream with my husb&. This is the closest I got lớn having sex in weeks. FML
Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant và super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML
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Have you just experienced an FML moment? Feel lượt thích sharing it with the other FML users? Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, & if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours.
Your story must start with “Today,” và end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to lớn obtain badges by posting từ khóa, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.
